Coping with Things Beyond Your Control.

When life throws a curve ball or the unexpected happens, it is important to stick together to carry one another to the other side. Life is far from easy and far from being fair. Never lose hope...and never lose each other. Sometimes things happen which can bring people closer together. Sometimes it takes all we have to fight, persevere, and gradually move forward one day at a time. Find comfort in a friend, reveal a part of yourself to a loved one which leaves you feeling vulnerable but more open than ever before. When we're too hard on ourselves, we eventually break down.

What gives you comfort? Is it the smile on someone's face...is it the warm embrace of a hug...is it quiet time with your own thoughts or pillow. It is hard to accept things for what they are sometimes, but in the end we can do our best to grow from each experience and try not to blame ourselves. We can find peace and we don't always have to understand everything. Obstacles and challenges seem like they are in our way all the time. Give thanks for the times that are smooth sailing, for those times can give you the courage and strength to keep going. We never know exactly what anyone else is going through, so it is always important to be patient, be kind, be gentle with people's hearts and minds.

Defining Moments.

It's funny how some things you don't forget and some feelings you can hold onto no matter how significant or insignificant. If you let something impact your life enough, then it might help define how you see yourself. I still remember the day in Fourth Grade that I won Third Place in the Spelling Bee. I really did not think anything about being in the spelling bee, I did not study the words and I had not really given it much thought. I got up there to spell each word and before I knew it, I had made it to the bottom three. My teacher was very proud of me and I was also the only Fourth Grader to win. First and Second Place went to a Fifth Grader and a Sixth Grader. Our picture was taken for the yearbook and I received a HUGE trophy. I did not really know what to do, I was more on the shy side in Fourth Grade, although I talked to my friends and family plenty...I did not know how to go about carrying a huge trophy back with me to my classroom. I guess most kids would have bragged about it to the class or shown it off, but I think I just put it in my locker not wanting to cause a scene, then later putting it in my backpack or holding it in my lap on the bus ride home. But as soon as I got home with that trophy, I showed it off to my brother of course! He seemed impressed. My parents were really happy for me, and displayed my trophy on the mantel in the living room. The truth is I have always loved spelling. I always visualize words in my head and people often ask me how to spell things. It is fun to think back about taking that big trophy home with me and I still remember overhearing my fourth-grade teacher bragging to the fifth and sixth grade teachers how her young fourth grader placed Third. :)

YOLO.

The new slang word YOLO means "You only live once..." And while I am all for living each day to its fullest and making the best of your life, I can't help but wonder if people are using this term the wrong way. Youth are impressionable and pay attention to the media and are always looking for the new "it" thing to do or say. While I don't exactly hang out with today's youth, I do come in contact with youth & try to keep up on the trends or keep an eye out for what is really going on in high schools, peer groups, and so forth... Is saying "YOLO" a way to use peer pressure? If one teen offers another teen a cigarette, drugs, or alcohol and says "YOLO: You Only Live Once"...does it mean to forget all the rules and whether things are good or bad...and just do it because you think everyone else is or you think it is the cool thing to do. People do enjoy doing crazy or stupid things from time to time...but since we only live once, shouldn't we still be cautious and careful with the ONE life we have? I don't mean overly cautious and careful about every little thing. And it is not my job to dictate how people use their slang, but it takes a while for some people to gain the wisdom to make good choices. With today's youth, we see kids getting into things way more rapidly and thinking that there are not consequences to their actions. But they are not invincible...and sometimes the things we do today, we pay for tomorrow. Stay strong enough to say "no" and live your life according to your own goals and your own preferences. Don't do something just to impress the whims of others...anyone will use you or test just how far you are willing to go. Instead go the distance for yourself and in the end you will be thankful.

Life can be what you make it.

Quote: "I have many lives to live, and I have already spent too much time on this one."

This quote has stuck with me since I heard the exact context in college English Class when we were studying specific poets, authors. At that moment in college, I could relate to this quote because I believed in it and could see myself living a few different lives if I wanted to. But maybe that was all just an idea in my head and not reality. Now I realize the extent to which I might not actually believe in this quote at all...I now see that this quote is also a challenging one in the sense that there is more to the picture.  I am often drawn to the idea of "re-inventing" myself or finding new hobbies, new passions, new outlets for my curiosity and sense of self. But as much as people try new things or surround themselves with different people, some things always stay the same. There are good things about change and there are good things about kicking bad habits, and finding positive people to be around. In the end, sometimes the very thing that can make you self-destruct is perhaps yourself. Once we have gotten a good foundation to lean on and to learn from, much of life is in our own hands...and in our own grasp. The idea that life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you handle it...can be said. But the reality is...Everyone wants different things out of life, and the ideal picture of life for someone looks completely different from someone else's ideal dream. What one person thinks is the most horrible thing in the world, someone else might think of it in a completely different way.

Hindsight is 20/20...but would we be the people we are if we have not made the mistakes that got us where we are. Some mistakes are how we learn about ourselves and how we learn about the world around us. Those mistakes, misfortunes, and wrong turns are highly valuable in the end. A little bit of life experience can go a long way. Our society has come a long way from the old days where people were expected to go down a straight and narrow path without many choices along the way. Now there are many different career paths to choose if you want to work, many times to start a relationship with who you choose, and many different times to see your "life-plan" come together. And the good thing is, there is no deadline and there is no reason why your "dream" or "goals" cannot change over and over again. The funny thing is...while you think you are searching, improving, and reaching your destination...the whole time you are LIVING. Everything you do does not have to scream excitement and fireworks do not have to go off about every little thing. During the journey, things that give you comfort, happiness, and peace are all things worthwhile. When you can sit down and really be glad with who you are and what you are doing...and how you treat others...and think what you have given back...and what you have gained from your friendships, relationships, family...that is when you realize that you might not have anything to run from and you do not have anything that you have to prove. Relish the simple moments that bring about all the clarity in the world. When we look at the big picture, we realize that the little details that people worry about and fret over are not always that important. Life is beautiful. The more you learn about others, the more you appreciate people's differences. So instead of running from yourself and thinking you always have to keep things fresh or new, don't forget what is right in front of you. Bring in the new things, but don't forget to remember what has gotten you here and what will get you to an even brighter future. You have one life to live, so live it well.

Why Get Married?

With the divorce rate so high...people sometimes question getting married these days. I only have my own marriage as experience, but I value my marriage and honestly it is a lot of fun...like one long extended sleepover. Lol...it's important to love your spouse as not only your partner in life but also as your friend. It is just as important to love them as it is to really like them...their personality will be there with you day after day. Is that person someone you mesh well with, someone that brings out the best qualities in you and vice versa. I don't think anyone should judge someone else's marriage, all marriages work differently...and the only people that truly know how things are going are the ones in the marriage. I was thinking the other day...people often say their spouse is their best friend. I can agree with that...but I got to thinking about how many best friends people might have throughout their life. Does marriage help you stay together longer than a regular friendship would last? If you're not married, is it easier to just pack up your bowling bag and leave whenever you like? Maybe there's something about standing in front of people, saying your vows, and signing your marriage license. However, some couples stay together for years without getting married. I think it is always an individual choice, a choice for couples to make together when they're both ready. People can jump all in and get married on a whim in Vegas...or you can think about it for years. Healthy relationships can lead to healthy loving marriages. And unhealthy bad relationships could lead to bad marriages...that is no big secret. The truth is that any marriage is going to be what you make it. Like a plant, it needs nourishment to grow. And the outcome can be a beautiful life with one another, but first you eventually have to take the chance, and jump right in and give it all you've got...because love is a wonderful thing...whether you get married or not. Don't let the divorce rate statistics scare you...they're only numbers after all.